Shave Ice Club

posted on: Thursday, May 25, 2017

I've been listening to this podcast called Secular Buddhism and the host keeps going back to the concept of impermanence so I've been thinking about impermanence a lot.

These kids keep growing even when you deliberately ask them to stop growing and stay just as they are.

I would take Eliza's tantrums eternally if it meant that I could always have her rainbow happiness.

But alas impermanence reigns supreme and suffering happens when we want things to be permanent

For example when your heart is set on your four year old daughter and her best-friend growing up together until they are old enough to fall in love and live happily ever after but then the parents decide to lave for Utah-land. Eliza is in for a real heartbreak.

I've been trying to coach her and get her prepared for this change. For example we set up this club where every month we head to Matsumoto's (yes there is always a line and yes it's worth the wait, just as long as you ask for sweetened condensed milk on top of your shave ice) and we get shave ice, but the rule is that we can't get the same flavors we got the previous time. It's a fun way to try something new. 

Eliza breaks all the rules and won't try new flavors. Since she is my boss I always let her get rainbow because anything else just makes her sad

Also, it's good to have some things be constant right? May she always have rainbow shave ice in her life and may it always bring her joy and happiness. That's my wish for my daughter, rainbow shave ice when life gets hard.

This club is not exclusive. We're always open to new members. One random day of the month I decide to send a general text out to the members and see who wants in.

Yesterday I got mango, lychee, and lilikoi with double sweetened condensed milk. I think it was my favorite flavor combination yet. Highly recommend it! 

Then we hit up the beach to wash all the sweet syrup off our face and hands and it was glorious because Hawaii in the summertime is a glassy pool of magic.

In three days we leave for a two month trip. When we come back our friends will be gone, our other friend will have had her baby, the kids will all be in a new grade, and I'll still be trying to freeze little moments and make them permanent so I can save it forever.

Hello old Friend

posted on: Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Two and a half years ago and some change I gave up blogging. I was so busy trying to fit it all in that a lot of things had to give and the blog was part of that process of sacrificing my sanity for optimizing my time so that I could be a highly productive employee and parent. I worked every day from 6:00am-2:00pm then dashed out the door to pick up my daughter at 2:05pm and help with carpool. I would get home every day around 3:00 and was doing kids and house work until 9:00pm. And yes, there were beach trips and there was fun but it was all while wearing my mom hat. After the kids were in bed I would often jump back online and work until midnight. I lived for the weekends, when Chris and I would go on a date, when we could have friends over for dinner, when I could sleep for more than 6 hours at a time. I did this crazy dance for a year and a half and then was forced to make a change.

I now work less hours for a much more family friendly (honestly, let's just call it life friendly) company and have started an amazing new journey of self-care. I sleep more. I eat better. I exercise. I wash my face in the morning. I go out on weekdays. This has been a hard process with some serious growing pains. I have had some serious paradigms shift that have resulted in mostly me expecting different things out of myself and being able to see my kids and my relationship with them in a whole new light.

I don't know what this blog will look like here on out and I am ok with that. For so long I tried to focus on how I would blog as a business. What angle do I want to have? What is my value prop? How can I monetize? I started two other blogs during this time and gave up on it pretty fast.

For now I'm ok with it being what it used to be, my happy place, no strings attached. I'm not going to do an editorial calendar. I'm not going to plan out my recipes months in advance. I'm not going to have a business angle to it. I already do that successfully for my day job, I don't need my blog to be that (not right now). It might go in a more professional blogging direction, we'll see. For now I'm just happy to be back in this space.

(all pics by Jonathan Canlas)

Happy Birthday Maria!

posted on: Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Five years ago, or as my children would say a full hand ago, Maria was born. The minute she came out she was placed on my tummy and she crawled up to my chest and started nursing right away. I was amazed, and instantly in love with this tiny resilient creature who took matters into her own hands.

I am even more amazed and even more in love with a little girl who continues to take matters into her own hands. She is smart and witty, kind and affectionate, brave and confident.
She has only been in my life for 5 years but I feel like I have known and loved her forever.
I am excited to see her grow until she is two full hands old and then many more full hands after that.When she opened her present today she said enthusiastically "this is exactly what I wanted!" even though she had no idea what she was going to get. I feel the same away about her. Even if I had tried I would not have been able to create her in my wildest imagination. She is her own self, determined to be her own self. She is amazing!.

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