reflections on my sweet life

posted on: Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Tomorrow we leave Hawaii. It'll be a day of packing and saying good-byes and resting for our red eye flight. Today was a day of enjoying, of embracing, and of realizing things. We went to the beach in the morning and as always we were pretty much the only ones there. It's fun to play at the beach with a 2 year old and have yourself surrounded by beauty everywhere you look. In the afternoon Enzo and I had a mommy and baby pig out date at Ted's bakery. Hawaii has a special way of making you feel spoiled.


When I lived in Hawaii I often felt like my life was bitter sweet. I was living in paradise and yet I found myself in a constant funk. It was hard enjoying my newborn that never slept. It was hard staying home in our hot poor ventilated house. But the hardest thing about it was the guilty feeling I had of being unhappy when I knew quite well that I had very little to complain about.
One year later I return to Hawaii to vacation and I realize that I have changed and circumstances have changed and I feel like things could not possibly get any sweeter.

One year ago I dreaded staying home all day with my son. This time around I was able to enjoy him so much. My brother in law says that it's all about not having any expectations and I think he's right in some ways. I came to Hawaii knowing that I would be solo parenting for 3 weeks and that I would have to do all the feedings, diaper changes, baths and bedtimes. My days were filled with no agenda and I was able to just enjoy watching "Bugs Life" and "Dumbo" almost on a daily basis, go to the beach whenever we wanted to, and sweat in the shadeless park with my friends. Due to my amazing mother-in-law, next door neighbors, and house mates I was also able to go out to dinner a handful of times, to the movies, to friends houses and even to the beach by myself where I just vegged and read for a couple of hours. All this while Enzo stayed home playing with cousins, Grammy, Aunties and Uncles and didn't even care for a second that I was gone.
I knew coming to Hawaii was going to be a good idea. I knew I would get help watching Enzo and I knew that it would renew my energies to see close friends and family. However, I was not expecting it to be this sweet.


Yesterday as I walked at night to a friend's house I was completely enveloped by moonlight and the ocean breeze and you know what? It felt so good, and warm, and simple. I have a tendency to keep my life away from simplicity. I keep my days filled with school, blogging, taking Enzo to music classes, to the park, to playgroups. I not only fill up my days but I tend to fill up his days too. Thank goodness he gets to spend half off his time with his dad who tones the social scene down and enjoys just hanging out solo with Enzo in some hike, or river, or beach.


Hawaii was perfect because Enzo and I were able to spend a lot of time together without many distractions. Well, I take that back. We had distractions but fortunately for us they were all really delicious.

12 comments:

  1. im so glad you are having such a great time. Your such a good mom taking Enzo all those places!

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  2. Isn't it interesting to see how your role as a mother evolves and how the way you view that role evolves? I'm glad this trip was so wonderful!

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  3. Oh, that cookies looks delicious! Sounds like you learned a lot about yourself in Hawaii. It'a always good to get another perspective of life like that. Kathy

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  4. Olá Damaris! Hope you have a safe trip back home. So you are craving Brazilian food and I crave American food... take care, I also have a blog in Portuguese if you are interested. xoxo

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  5. Hey Damaris! It was great finaly meeting you! Your son is so cute and I love that you give him so much attention. You seem to be a very good mother and I'm glad that you enjoyed your self while you where here. Since moving back, I try to take every advantage of enjoying the islands. Which as you know when you actually "live" here can be hard with young children, working all the time, and the price of things. But like you said. It is nice having all the friends and relitives around that can help entertain the kids and have the opportunity to enjoy yourself. I try to do that at least once a week. Have my alone time for an hour whether it is reading at the beach or eating a chocolate haupia pie at Teds!

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  6. This brought a tear or two. Thank you again. You're home!

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  7. Hawaii! I'm jealous. I hope it was a wonderful trip...

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  8. I've tried to comment on this twice without success. Hopefully it will work this time!

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  9. Okay, so here's my real comment (had to check first).
    We're so glad you came, so sad you're gone. The only good thing is that now I can concentrate on my actual diet, since I have no one to share my food obsession with. I mean, everyone around here likes food, but I could make anything and it would probably be appreciated. I guess, no one appreciates fat and meat like you.
    Anyway, we left some to be desired, and we will have to do the following when we get together again: sushi, make mochi ice cream, see Batman, and try the new izakaya I've been wanting to go to.

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  10. Hey- It was really nice to meet you at the Moffats the other night! I have been enjoying your blog and will have to keep checking in. Hope you had a good trip back and hopefully we will see you next time (maybe for some more embroidery!).

    Stephanie

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  11. stephanie,
    it was nice meeting you too. we should hang out again when I come back to Hawaii. That would be fun. Too bad I was the worst embroidery student ever.

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  12. That's a great entry...makes me want to go to Hawaii...right now.

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